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 Did you know that Silent is an anagram of Listen?

Just Listen

Many people are looking for an ear that will listen. They do not find it among Christians, because these Christians are talking where they should be listening. But he who can no longer listen to his brother will soon be no longer listening to God, either; he will be doing nothing but prattle in the presence of God, too.This is the beginning of the death of the spiritual life, and in the end there will be nothing left but spiritual chatter...

                                                                                               - Dietrich Bonhoeffer 

Menopausal cloud gathering

menopausal brain fog

or... if you've happened upon this blog from a certain American healthscore site - a guide to the interior state of the Greenpatch head: stuffed full of cotton wool. (Stats  make such fascinating reading, don't  they -   and I'm not  talking about my waistline here, either! ) 

Going back to my stats, if  brainfog or The Seven Dwarves of The Menopause mean little to you, maybe you've reached Growing Greenpatches via a search on organic gardening, in which case do feel free to use my artistic efforts for your next article on rare strains of potato. Or for that matter Global Warming; It's Not Easy Being Green, is it? And as most of us who're battling The Change can certify, gaseous emissions can become if not exactly old friends, certainly frequent visitors. 

All of which is a roundabout way of saying that the combo of humidity, hot weather, post -meno aches and pains and fluctuating hormone levels combined yesterday to give me a touch of  woolly headedness; meteorologically more light mist than pea-souper to be sure, but enough to make me feel as if I'd been bopped over the head with a a hammer. 

Which is why late morning found me in the cafe at BHS, trying to blast myself into gear with the help of a strong Americano before going on to meet with my spiritual director.   Whilst being crisp and to the point has never been one of my giftings; even I can appreciate that directors aren't mind readers and that a wee bit more focus might be needed. Though utterances like ummmmmmm? wassat? and bleahhhhh (!) might sound profound, they don't really give the poor listener much to work with. Let's face it; if the Almighty had had a touch of the hot flushes and  pea soupers on the 6th Day, we'd be in a sorry state by now!

So, in the interests of letting off steam and for all you Power -Surgers everywhere, here's one of my favourite comedian's take on Matters Menopausal: Victoria Wood: Menopause and health food shops.

Now...where was I...?

Technology and social media. Are you listening to me?

image credit: freedigitalphotos.net.renjithkhrishnan

A big thank you to Tractorgirl for drawing my attention to another thought-provoking and challenging TED talk.  Sociologist Sherry Turkle's Connected, but alone? reflects on whether our  increasing use of digital technology and social media, designed as a means of connection, is, paradoxically  hindering authentic and genuine communication with each other.  From Ms Turkle's own site:

Technology promises to let us do anything from anywhere with anyone. But it also drains us as we try to do everything everywhere. We begin to feel overwhelmed and depleted by the lives technology makes possible. We may be free to work from anywhere, but we are also prone to being lonely everywhere. In a surprising twist, relentless connection leads to a new solitude. We turn to new technology to fill the void,but as technology ramps up, our emotional lives ramp down.

Now I'm not one for knocking modern technology; I'm in agreement with many folk, Tractorgirl included, that social and digital media has been a wonderful means of enlarging my horizons beyond my own little corner, and yes, I've also made connections with people online that have later matured into   friendships 'in real life.' The plus side's been covered pretty well elsewhere and I'm not intending to add to that here.

No, what really caught my attention were the assertions of the effect our use of  the media is having on our ability to  just 'be,' by ourselves, alone; to give ourselves space; above all to give that 'safe'  space to others where they're truly heard and accepted. We are, Ms Turkle says, increasingly unable to listen, really listen to each other.

“If we're not able to be alone, we're going to be more lonely. And if we don't teach our children to be alone, they're only going to know how to be lonely.”

“We all really need to listen to each other, including to the boring bits.”

“The feeling that ‘no one is listening to me’ make us want to spend time with machines that seem to care about us.”

(Well, sorry, but if people think that when I'm old and grey I'll satisfy my social, emotional and spiritual needs by talking to a robot, they've another think coming! )

'No one is listening to me.'  That shocked me. Sadly, it didn't surprise me in the least.  I guess I've a vested interest; being involved in spiritual direction where listening skills are key.  As they are in so many of the helping professions.

So where does that leave us?  For myself, it's a timely reminder - if I needed one - of the need that is out there. And for anyone- I'd suggest, take a step,  doesn't need to be a huge project, just a small step will do, to once in a while switch off the laptop/phone/insert device of your choice.  Then call a friend (oops - alright, I'll let you have the phone back as long as you promise not to text or tweet). Speak to that elderly neighbour; the person next to you on the train, in the bus queue, the chap at the supermarket till, the elderly lady walking her dog in the park. And do it with no other agenda other than to offer the other person that precious gift of unhurried  time and space.

Self-esteem: That old internal parrot

Dave Walker has done it again! Judging by the responses to his latest post You are not good enough, there are enough 'internal parrots,' critics, censors, (tick your metaphor of choice) around to fill an aviary. Sadly, many, too many, of us struggle with poor self-esteem.  Miracle of miracles, I'm in a good place at the moment; yet there've been times when  it only takes one or two negatives to knock me off my perch.

Is there any cure?  From my own personal experience, I'd say time,  prayer, yes, but combined with a listening, non-judgemental ear; somebody who'll welcome me into a safe space where I can indulge in an attack of verbal diarrhoea  tell my story without someone rushing to fix/firing scripture verses at me willy-nilly. Who'll meet me where I am, not where they think I 'should' be.  If you search carefully, there are people around who're trained to do just that; they're  known as spiritual directors or spiritual companions.  Three cheers for them, and that host of retreat leaders, clergy, counsellors, pastoral people, prayer partners, and friends. They're worth their weight in gold.

Oh, and  an extra three cheers for the commenter who said: Sometimes the only thing that can help when you are lost in your own life is the sight of someone else jumping up and down shouting “help! I’m lost!” So, so true.