Updated Underpinnings - A guide for the journey

I've updated my spiritual underpinnings section with much puffing, blowing, letting out of panels and replacement of worn elastic. Do have a look through my 'spiritual drawers' at A guide for the journey - spiritual direction.

Please excuse the levity. When you've  typed out the word 'spiritual' several dozen times, you get to thinking how very very silly it looks!

Spiritual Underpinnings - Wandering Round in Circles

...upon that Long and Winding Road: another set of Spiritual Underpinnings on Praying the Labyrinth.

Spiritual Underpinnings - On Retreat

Compton Durville, May 2010

Would that I was! Never mind. Spring is really on its way now, my sunflower seedling is pushing its way through the soil so I've decided to follow in like mind by adding to my sorely neglected Spiritual Underpinnings page - beginning with Retreats. They've been a mainstay of my spiritual journey for nearly ten years now. I'm so thankful to the people who showed me that they  aren't just for monks, nuns and priests but can benefit 'ordinary' people, like myself. (Is anybody ever 'ordinary' I wonder?) My first experiences of retreat were at the  (sadly now closed) Community of St Francis at Compton Durville. My experience up to then had been mostly of Parish Weekends and conferences; I quickly - and thankfully - learned that your average retreat is a very different animal! I tend to go in for the oodles of silence and meet with your retreat guide once a day type of set-up: the classic Individually Guided Retreat.  If that's not your thing, don't worry, retreats  come in all shapes and sizes, although an essential element is always that of setting aside time and space to be with and hear God: something that even with best intentions I don't always remember  to incorporate into my day to day busyness.

Anyoldhow, I've linked to a number of different folks' reflections on their retreat experiences and will add more as I find them. I hope it'll prove a handy resource. Do pop over there if you want.

Spiritual Underpinnings - Spiritual Direction

(Incubated during the recent  snowy spell). Warning, long post.

Spiritual Underpinnings: Spiritual Direction

Well, the North Wind doth blow and if we believe everything the weather forecasters say, I should have plenty time for writing over the next few days. So, here’s the beginning of   a mini-project that’s been at the back of in my mind ever since reading Robin’s blog on Finding  a Spiritual Director and more recently, ramtoprac’s accounts of their searchings.

If you’ve read my Offline Greenpatches page,  you’ll have realized that I was once  very  into using "spiritual underpinnings" as an analogy to describe the various  support systems that I was setting up at the time. Re-reading that now, I’m wondering if   the “undies” “secret support” term is wearing a little thin (if you’ll pardon the pun!); because such a valuable resource should be anything but “secret.” I think we’ve come a long way since spiritual direction – (or accompaniment as I prefer to call it), was the sole province of clergy and religious. If you discover treasure, surely you’re going to want to let everybody know about your discovery. (Now where did I first hear that one, I wonder?)

So, to my journeyings.  In retrospect, even if I wasn’t aware of it at the time, my hunt for   a director began long before the birds ‘flew the nest,’ back, in fact, to when we moved back to the UK after seven years  abroad. By the time I began to articulate this need, at first only to myself, we’d passed the Millennium.   I was trying to cope with two teens, a husband constantly away with work and all that that brings, but more worryingly, a sense that the church into which I’d thrown myself so enthusiastically to begin with did not - to put it crudely  - “scratch where I itched.” 

I remember the first time I came encountered  the concept of a paradigm shift; well, underneath my seemingly compliant surface, you could almost hear the gears grinding away. My “integrity gap” I called it, even as I tried to throw myself into the seemingly endless round of programs and rotas, giving assent to a theology and practice, which was becomingly increasingly at odds with where I was on my journey.  I was asking questions (only to myself then, I was far too shy to voice them aloud!) that weren’t being answered. Though a glance back through my journals from that time shows the clues were all there.  Put even more crudely – I was bl**dy lonely – a quiet and increasingly questioning contemplative flower in an increasingly charismatic evangelical garden. There were some great people in that community, make no mistake, but the church, too was struggling with change, going through it’s own ‘spiritual adolescence,’ and when you have two adolescents  - well, there are  bound to be spats! 

By late 2002 I’d emerged from a bout of counseling, following on from the death of my father. This had given me the confidence to get out there and explore. I’d been aware of the existence of spiritual accompaniment for a while.  I’d also -  joy of joys -  discovered a lifeline,  that “Magazine of Unrest,” Shipoffools.com whose denizens were just one of several sources of encouragement to step out. 

 My director came via some suggestions from what I nicknamed our local “diocesan chappie” and what he called his   “spiritual direction dating agency.”  Best practice encourages shopping around; discerning who is the best “fit” for you is not something to be approached lightly.   I was given several names but for all sorts of reasons, my first try ‘stuck,’ and we’ve been meeting now for over 10 years.  I’d not stated any preference for either clergy, lay or religious though I think I did tick the “Female” box, but I ended up with somebody ordained.  What was more helpful, especially at first, were  those things we held in common:  she has children of about the same age, and knew just what it was like to be rushed off one’s feet and to  struggle with the demands of family life.  Some of the stuff out there on t’interweb about directors would have you believe you’re about to link up with a spiritual Yoda. Or worse, the Spanish Inquisition. Talk about ‘Disease of the Oughteries!’ Both notions were swiftly dispelled. One of my favourite memories, related since with glee to several hesitant seekers, is about one early meeting when I had to clear the family’s washing off the sofa before I could sit down. (To be fair, there were building works going on at the time). I have never been so relieved in my life. At last… a ‘real’ person, not some super-being intent on force- feeding me a diet of never-ending spiritual sticking plaster or theological bon mots.

Since then they’ve supported me unobtrusively through a change of church, theological study, my journey into the Franciscan Third Order and many other ups and downs too numerous to list, as I’ve emerged out of the other side of the child-rearing years and started to look to what the future might hold.  Her style tends to the non-directive – a sometime puzzle to me at first: they do say God sends you   what you need, not necessarily what you want! With my background and hang-ups I could easily have slipped into the habit of letting somebody else “tell me what to do,” which of course is not a stance that any listener should ever encourage, not in that sense.  God is the real ‘director’  after all.

Over the years, the task of listening to my (rather circuitous meanderings) has also been shared by numerous retreat conductors, course facilitators and others. Some I’ve taken to, others less so, yet experiencing a different dynamic has been interesting and I can truthfully say that I’ve always come out the other end having learned something.  I hope I’ve changed…

Talking of circuitous meanderings, I’ll wind up the waffle by revisiting and reanswering two questions once asked me on a radio interview which highlight the benefits of spiritual accompaniment for me personally:

Firstly: “How has direction helped keep you spiritually and mentally well?” Foremost it’s enabled me to rethink for myself those images of God that for all kinds of reasons, baggage carried since childhood etc, were not so healthy. This was, and is a slooowwww process.  Yet I’ve come such a long way. Work-in-progress.

Secondly: In what ways have you experienced God…noticed…become more aware of God since you’ve been in direction?” 

I’m much more open to seeing God in all things . Years ago, I was over  concerned with chasing after the “zap…pow!” big, flashy  experiences. Now I’m far more aware of the “still small voice,” what he/she’s doing in the little things of life, the ordinary, everyday events. Well, on good days anyway…

So, if you’re somebody umming and aahing about whether to send that email, make that phone call or simply begin to take the first step along this path, do be brave, and, as Robin of Beautiful and Terrible said recently “Just do it.”

Listening in The Land of Brisk Sea Breezes

 Anglican Cathedral, Portsmouth

There's nothing like a good gust of wind to blow away those post Christmas cobwebs, is there? That was my experience  yesterday as I made my way  back down to what I used to call "The Land of Seabirds and Brisk Sea Breezes," for the opening session of a course on a Week of Accompanied Prayer. Those of you familiar with the original  Greenpatches (is there anybody?) may remember my reflections about my time as a "pilgrim,"   on one of these home-based retreats. No need to travel far and wide to make your retreat; your retreat comes to you. All that's needed  is  a commitment to spend half an hour in prayer  and to a short meeting with your prayer guide each day. There is, of course, a little matter of incorporating all this into the hustle and bustle of your daily life: definitely a challenge, I discovered.

Nearly two and a half years down the line, it's time for some of us  to reverse roles and learn a  about the nuts and bolts of accompanying our own pilgrims. A daunting prospect, perhaps? I certainly felt slightly 'wobbly' beforehand: with memories still quite fresh of the first spirituality course there which had been such a formative experience for me. Would revisiting prove to be a mistake? 

No worries. From start to finish, I loved it. From greeting  old acquaintances to meeting new ones, to the practical side of things: it's quite  intense, plenty of listening experience and little time in which to be nervous. (talk about brisk sea breezes!).  I plunged straight in; even surprised myself   by volunteering to be the first person in our small group  to act as 'guide.' Not typical Greenpatch behaviour but then I am older, wiser (and from the look in the mirror this morning - wrinklier). 

Looking next week's dose of fresh air.