Updated Underpinnings - A guide for the journey

I've updated my spiritual underpinnings section with much puffing, blowing, letting out of panels and replacement of worn elastic. Do have a look through my 'spiritual drawers' at A guide for the journey - spiritual direction.

Please excuse the levity. When you've  typed out the word 'spiritual' several dozen times, you get to thinking how very very silly it looks!

Spiritual Underpinnings - in search of direction?

Here's another 'classic,' which I forgot to include in my original "Underpinnings," post. When I first stumbled across Katymagdalene of Vocation Blog's account of her early attempts to find a spiritual director - I first a) Laughed so hard I nearly spat my coffee out over my keyboard, b) Thought guiltily about my own oh-so- carefully crafted 'bio,' on our local network list and blushed*, c) Remembered my own frustration as a seeker trying  to make sense  - (any sense!) of the seemingly labyrinthine communications systems of the Good Old C of E, (emails not replied to, phone calls not returned) and d) thought - this piece should be compulsory reading for every director and would-be director, discouraged seeker and ecclesiastical communications person. It deserves a wider audience.

* In my defence -  no animals were mentioned at least...

If God is the "Real Director," Why do We Need a Human One?

Anonymous - Thanks for your challenging question. I've posted it here as I thought the topic merited a post of its own.

Before  Mr GP  set out to "shadow" the Tour de France riders, he booked some sessions with a coach. The coach didn't ride the route for him, nor tell him what to do ; but worked together with him providing   regular encouragement, companionship, accountability and above all, a space where he could best prepare himself physically and mentally, for whatever challenges awaited.  Thus maximising the chances that Dear Spouse would be able to safely  work within his capabilities, interpret the prevailing conditions as accurately as possible, and live his experiences to the full. 

If Dear Spouse had just  read a few cycling books, thrown a map and puncture repair kit in his panniers and set off -   the experience might have been at least, less fulfilling and at worst, downright dangerous. Good intentions are no substitute for  taking  responsibility for one's own safety and well-being.

A soul friend/spiritual companion/director likewise doesn't "tell you what to do,"  solve all your problems, travel  your journey for you or tell you what they "think" God is saying. Their role is more to provide a regular, objective, intentional space where you can begin to sense   these "nudges" of the Holy Spirit for yourself.  It's not always easy.  I know I often see what I want to see, hear what I want to hear;  my human frailties distort my  ability to discern   what God might be trying to say to me.  Dear knows, we don't have to look far to see what tragedies result when people have used "The Word of God" to justify their own agendas. 

Think of a director as an extra pair of ears, there to listen with us  at those times when our own shell-likes may be in need of a syringe.  

 Christ sent  the disciples out  in pairs, remember!

Hope that helps.

Spiritual Underpinnings - Spiritual Direction

(Incubated during the recent  snowy spell). Warning, long post.

Spiritual Underpinnings: Spiritual Direction

Well, the North Wind doth blow and if we believe everything the weather forecasters say, I should have plenty time for writing over the next few days. So, here’s the beginning of   a mini-project that’s been at the back of in my mind ever since reading Robin’s blog on Finding  a Spiritual Director and more recently, ramtoprac’s accounts of their searchings.

If you’ve read my Offline Greenpatches page,  you’ll have realized that I was once  very  into using "spiritual underpinnings" as an analogy to describe the various  support systems that I was setting up at the time. Re-reading that now, I’m wondering if   the “undies” “secret support” term is wearing a little thin (if you’ll pardon the pun!); because such a valuable resource should be anything but “secret.” I think we’ve come a long way since spiritual direction – (or accompaniment as I prefer to call it), was the sole province of clergy and religious. If you discover treasure, surely you’re going to want to let everybody know about your discovery. (Now where did I first hear that one, I wonder?)

So, to my journeyings.  In retrospect, even if I wasn’t aware of it at the time, my hunt for   a director began long before the birds ‘flew the nest,’ back, in fact, to when we moved back to the UK after seven years  abroad. By the time I began to articulate this need, at first only to myself, we’d passed the Millennium.   I was trying to cope with two teens, a husband constantly away with work and all that that brings, but more worryingly, a sense that the church into which I’d thrown myself so enthusiastically to begin with did not - to put it crudely  - “scratch where I itched.” 

I remember the first time I came encountered  the concept of a paradigm shift; well, underneath my seemingly compliant surface, you could almost hear the gears grinding away. My “integrity gap” I called it, even as I tried to throw myself into the seemingly endless round of programs and rotas, giving assent to a theology and practice, which was becomingly increasingly at odds with where I was on my journey.  I was asking questions (only to myself then, I was far too shy to voice them aloud!) that weren’t being answered. Though a glance back through my journals from that time shows the clues were all there.  Put even more crudely – I was bl**dy lonely – a quiet and increasingly questioning contemplative flower in an increasingly charismatic evangelical garden. There were some great people in that community, make no mistake, but the church, too was struggling with change, going through it’s own ‘spiritual adolescence,’ and when you have two adolescents  - well, there are  bound to be spats! 

By late 2002 I’d emerged from a bout of counseling, following on from the death of my father. This had given me the confidence to get out there and explore. I’d been aware of the existence of spiritual accompaniment for a while.  I’d also -  joy of joys -  discovered a lifeline,  that “Magazine of Unrest,” Shipoffools.com whose denizens were just one of several sources of encouragement to step out. 

 My director came via some suggestions from what I nicknamed our local “diocesan chappie” and what he called his   “spiritual direction dating agency.”  Best practice encourages shopping around; discerning who is the best “fit” for you is not something to be approached lightly.   I was given several names but for all sorts of reasons, my first try ‘stuck,’ and we’ve been meeting now for over 10 years.  I’d not stated any preference for either clergy, lay or religious though I think I did tick the “Female” box, but I ended up with somebody ordained.  What was more helpful, especially at first, were  those things we held in common:  she has children of about the same age, and knew just what it was like to be rushed off one’s feet and to  struggle with the demands of family life.  Some of the stuff out there on t’interweb about directors would have you believe you’re about to link up with a spiritual Yoda. Or worse, the Spanish Inquisition. Talk about ‘Disease of the Oughteries!’ Both notions were swiftly dispelled. One of my favourite memories, related since with glee to several hesitant seekers, is about one early meeting when I had to clear the family’s washing off the sofa before I could sit down. (To be fair, there were building works going on at the time). I have never been so relieved in my life. At last… a ‘real’ person, not some super-being intent on force- feeding me a diet of never-ending spiritual sticking plaster or theological bon mots.

Since then they’ve supported me unobtrusively through a change of church, theological study, my journey into the Franciscan Third Order and many other ups and downs too numerous to list, as I’ve emerged out of the other side of the child-rearing years and started to look to what the future might hold.  Her style tends to the non-directive – a sometime puzzle to me at first: they do say God sends you   what you need, not necessarily what you want! With my background and hang-ups I could easily have slipped into the habit of letting somebody else “tell me what to do,” which of course is not a stance that any listener should ever encourage, not in that sense.  God is the real ‘director’  after all.

Over the years, the task of listening to my (rather circuitous meanderings) has also been shared by numerous retreat conductors, course facilitators and others. Some I’ve taken to, others less so, yet experiencing a different dynamic has been interesting and I can truthfully say that I’ve always come out the other end having learned something.  I hope I’ve changed…

Talking of circuitous meanderings, I’ll wind up the waffle by revisiting and reanswering two questions once asked me on a radio interview which highlight the benefits of spiritual accompaniment for me personally:

Firstly: “How has direction helped keep you spiritually and mentally well?” Foremost it’s enabled me to rethink for myself those images of God that for all kinds of reasons, baggage carried since childhood etc, were not so healthy. This was, and is a slooowwww process.  Yet I’ve come such a long way. Work-in-progress.

Secondly: In what ways have you experienced God…noticed…become more aware of God since you’ve been in direction?” 

I’m much more open to seeing God in all things . Years ago, I was over  concerned with chasing after the “zap…pow!” big, flashy  experiences. Now I’m far more aware of the “still small voice,” what he/she’s doing in the little things of life, the ordinary, everyday events. Well, on good days anyway…

So, if you’re somebody umming and aahing about whether to send that email, make that phone call or simply begin to take the first step along this path, do be brave, and, as Robin of Beautiful and Terrible said recently “Just do it.”

Menopausal cloud gathering

menopausal brain fog

or... if you've happened upon this blog from a certain American healthscore site - a guide to the interior state of the Greenpatch head: stuffed full of cotton wool. (Stats  make such fascinating reading, don't  they -   and I'm not  talking about my waistline here, either! ) 

Going back to my stats, if  brainfog or The Seven Dwarves of The Menopause mean little to you, maybe you've reached Growing Greenpatches via a search on organic gardening, in which case do feel free to use my artistic efforts for your next article on rare strains of potato. Or for that matter Global Warming; It's Not Easy Being Green, is it? And as most of us who're battling The Change can certify, gaseous emissions can become if not exactly old friends, certainly frequent visitors. 

All of which is a roundabout way of saying that the combo of humidity, hot weather, post -meno aches and pains and fluctuating hormone levels combined yesterday to give me a touch of  woolly headedness; meteorologically more light mist than pea-souper to be sure, but enough to make me feel as if I'd been bopped over the head with a a hammer. 

Which is why late morning found me in the cafe at BHS, trying to blast myself into gear with the help of a strong Americano before going on to meet with my spiritual director.   Whilst being crisp and to the point has never been one of my giftings; even I can appreciate that directors aren't mind readers and that a wee bit more focus might be needed. Though utterances like ummmmmmm? wassat? and bleahhhhh (!) might sound profound, they don't really give the poor listener much to work with. Let's face it; if the Almighty had had a touch of the hot flushes and  pea soupers on the 6th Day, we'd be in a sorry state by now!

So, in the interests of letting off steam and for all you Power -Surgers everywhere, here's one of my favourite comedian's take on Matters Menopausal: Victoria Wood: Menopause and health food shops.

Now...where was I...?

Capturing my thoughts

Frustration! I knew exactly what I wanted to write about. There it was: original,  crisp, insightful, profound, succinct. Qualities I'm not famed for; yesterday at spiritual direction,  I described my efforts at articulation as being like trying to wrestle a pop-up tent into its carrying case.

And, would you believe it? It was a dream. Oh great, just great! My attempts to drift back to sleep didn't work. And before you ask, yes, I do keep a notebook and pen by my bedside. When I finally came to, Greenpatch cat had jumped up and knocked them to the ground. Maybe he knows something I don't.

Technology and social media. Are you listening to me?

image credit: freedigitalphotos.net.renjithkhrishnan

A big thank you to Tractorgirl for drawing my attention to another thought-provoking and challenging TED talk.  Sociologist Sherry Turkle's Connected, but alone? reflects on whether our  increasing use of digital technology and social media, designed as a means of connection, is, paradoxically  hindering authentic and genuine communication with each other.  From Ms Turkle's own site:

Technology promises to let us do anything from anywhere with anyone. But it also drains us as we try to do everything everywhere. We begin to feel overwhelmed and depleted by the lives technology makes possible. We may be free to work from anywhere, but we are also prone to being lonely everywhere. In a surprising twist, relentless connection leads to a new solitude. We turn to new technology to fill the void,but as technology ramps up, our emotional lives ramp down.

Now I'm not one for knocking modern technology; I'm in agreement with many folk, Tractorgirl included, that social and digital media has been a wonderful means of enlarging my horizons beyond my own little corner, and yes, I've also made connections with people online that have later matured into   friendships 'in real life.' The plus side's been covered pretty well elsewhere and I'm not intending to add to that here.

No, what really caught my attention were the assertions of the effect our use of  the media is having on our ability to  just 'be,' by ourselves, alone; to give ourselves space; above all to give that 'safe'  space to others where they're truly heard and accepted. We are, Ms Turkle says, increasingly unable to listen, really listen to each other.

“If we're not able to be alone, we're going to be more lonely. And if we don't teach our children to be alone, they're only going to know how to be lonely.”

“We all really need to listen to each other, including to the boring bits.”

“The feeling that ‘no one is listening to me’ make us want to spend time with machines that seem to care about us.”

(Well, sorry, but if people think that when I'm old and grey I'll satisfy my social, emotional and spiritual needs by talking to a robot, they've another think coming! )

'No one is listening to me.'  That shocked me. Sadly, it didn't surprise me in the least.  I guess I've a vested interest; being involved in spiritual direction where listening skills are key.  As they are in so many of the helping professions.

So where does that leave us?  For myself, it's a timely reminder - if I needed one - of the need that is out there. And for anyone- I'd suggest, take a step,  doesn't need to be a huge project, just a small step will do, to once in a while switch off the laptop/phone/insert device of your choice.  Then call a friend (oops - alright, I'll let you have the phone back as long as you promise not to text or tweet). Speak to that elderly neighbour; the person next to you on the train, in the bus queue, the chap at the supermarket till, the elderly lady walking her dog in the park. And do it with no other agenda other than to offer the other person that precious gift of unhurried  time and space.

Self-esteem: That old internal parrot

Dave Walker has done it again! Judging by the responses to his latest post You are not good enough, there are enough 'internal parrots,' critics, censors, (tick your metaphor of choice) around to fill an aviary. Sadly, many, too many, of us struggle with poor self-esteem.  Miracle of miracles, I'm in a good place at the moment; yet there've been times when  it only takes one or two negatives to knock me off my perch.

Is there any cure?  From my own personal experience, I'd say time,  prayer, yes, but combined with a listening, non-judgemental ear; somebody who'll welcome me into a safe space where I can indulge in an attack of verbal diarrhoea  tell my story without someone rushing to fix/firing scripture verses at me willy-nilly. Who'll meet me where I am, not where they think I 'should' be.  If you search carefully, there are people around who're trained to do just that; they're  known as spiritual directors or spiritual companions.  Three cheers for them, and that host of retreat leaders, clergy, counsellors, pastoral people, prayer partners, and friends. They're worth their weight in gold.

Oh, and  an extra three cheers for the commenter who said: Sometimes the only thing that can help when you are lost in your own life is the sight of someone else jumping up and down shouting “help! I’m lost!” So, so true.